Office Fat

That's right babes, this post is about that all-too-real mythical creature . . . office fat. It is something I had heard about, something I've joked about, and today, something that became all too real to me. Now to back up a sec, I've never had a real office job before this year. Out of college I was a teacher - where I spent my days on my feet, dodging flying books and often dragging kids in the desk out of my classroom when they started to act like little shits - so needless to say, I was babe-a-licious! Then I went back to being a student - running from class to class, late night studying, and a few years with a stomach problem due to stress gave me three more years being babe-dacious and office fat free.

Then came this year . . . for the first time ever I sit in front of a computer all day. Worse yet, my only co-workers are two skinny males who can eat Chipotle and McDonalds and Dunkin' Donuts every day (literally, every single day!). Never to be one to be shown up by boys in eating skills, I often join them. So today, my weeks of sitting in an office chair, calling throwing a football around the office a "work out," and eating like a 25 year old dude finally caught up to me. Myself, Loafers and Wisconsin (the co-workers) walked into the office and were all standing in my office. Loafers and Wisconsin started a debate about something anti-babe, like buttons on their watches, and I went to plug in my phone charger. I hinged at the hips to reach the outlet . . . the convo going on above me sliped into a silent pause . . . and then it happens . . . teeeeeaaaaaaaarrrrrr. Yup, it's my pants - splitting up the seam. The boys polietly looked away while I hustled to the bathroom. I was able to cover it up mostly with my suit jacket for the rest of the day and the co-workers thankfully understand the un-spoken rule to never speak of this incident again.

As for tomorrow morning I will be off to the tailor . . . and maybe the gym. Then again, a little office fat can be babe-a-licious too, right?